After having Mason it took me a long time to find balance and really be able to enjoy life. Being a new mom with somewhat neurotic tendencies with a baby that cried constantly I found myself in limbo with a lot of emotions-stress, depression, excitement, and the classic being totally “freaked out”. I don’t remember truly enjoying Mason’s first year. Sure not every day was horrible. I had much more help than I do now, between Clint being home for lunch every day or someone in my family stopping by to visit, it doesn’t seem like I should have felt so overwhelmed. I mean seriously I barely cooked back then, what was I even doing with my time? It makes me sad that I don’t remember ever looking down at Mason and just soaking in all of his cute babyness Now after having Maiya, I feel as if my responsibilities are ten times what they were when I had Mason and yet my stress level is nothing compared to back then. I am starting to fully understand the true meaning of a phrase I have long lived by-or thought I did- “Carpe Diem-Seize the day” Maybe it’s just what comes with having experience or maybe it’s what a good nights sleep can do to clear your mind, but I am truly understanding now how fleeting life can be. The past two months have been tough, living out here farther away from family than I have ever been and yet at a time in my life where I probably need family the most. There is so much going on with me emotionally because of that, on top of all the emotions that having a newborn brings, and then you add in all of the daily chores of cooking and cleaning and whatnot that I am not getting done and my mind has been pretty helter skelter lately. It’s not like anyone has unrealistic expectations of me. Clint tells me don’t worry about cleaning, it’s not that big of a deal. But my neurotic brain is screaming at me “YOU HAVE TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM OR THE APOCALYPSE WILL COME” This in turn makes for a stressful day brought on by none other than yours truly. I don’t know, maybe there is part of me that feels like since I get the luxury of staying home I don’t deserve a fun day because there are still dishes in the sink. News flash: there will always be dishes in the sink! So lately, with Maiya eating every two hours, I have been getting my panties all in a bunch over everything that I am not getting done. And then it hit me, these kids are not going to be this small forever! I know, how many people can tell me not to stress over little things or how many times can I read “enjoy it now, they grow up fast” WHEN WILL I LEARN?! Well I get it now. This past week I have been ignoring dishes and dirty bathroom mirrors in an effort to spend more time enjoying the two little miracles that make my life so wonderful. I don’t mean just making extra time to take the kids to the park, but really truly enjoying everything. Changing poopy diapers because you never know when Maiya will smile, answering Mason’s millionth question of the day because who knows maybe this time when he asks what a hurricane is he might remember it years from now and want to study hurricanes in college. This afternoon Maiya was getting fussy so I laid next to her on the bed and sang her lullabyes until her tiny little eyelids started drooping and she drifted off to sleep.  I got all weepy because she is just so beautiful and sweet and innocent. I love our kids so much and I don’t ever want to feel bad at the end of the day because I spent so much time yelling at Mason to pick up his toys that I never sat down and actually played with him. I am sure I will have time to clean the bathroom when they are teenagers and hate me, but for now I want to enjoy every last moment with a clear mind. Not “oh, she is so cute…how much can I get done if she falls asleep and before she wakes up to eat again.” I know I can’t just grab hold of Mason’t shoulders and tell him to stop growing (trust me, I tried), but I can try my hardest to enjoy the good and the bad of every day. Whether you have kids, or pets, or a stuffed bear, life is out there-seize the day and LIVE.

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